I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
