i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
