Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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