I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
