There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
