Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
