And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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