so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
