I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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