If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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