The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Randomize
