dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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