I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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