so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
