Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
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