Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
