I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Randomize
