were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
