he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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