Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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