I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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