my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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