I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
