i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
