About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
