I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
