So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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