I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
