Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
