actually, I'm a sock model
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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