i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
