You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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