i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
