I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
