I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
