What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
