Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
