dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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