A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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