i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
