Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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