Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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