I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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