you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
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