His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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