i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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