Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
All the doctor said was why
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
