Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
