from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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