i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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