I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
